


Guards up

by wooerry



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-05-28 15:58:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19397470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooerry/pseuds/wooerry
Summary: I would like to sincerely apologize to everyone for taking so long to upload this chapter, I wanted to release it a day or two after the first one but I couldn't keep my promise and I apologize for that, I will try my best to keep my promise and release a chapter every 1-2 days!





	1. Chapter 1

“He should be here at any minute,” Kun said, talking to his friend, Ten, on the phone. “I'm not sure what to expect,” Kun sighed, “If only my part time job could help me afford to buy a studio apartment, instead of sharing a room with someone,” he rolled his eyes.

“It'll be okay, who knows? He might be different than _him_.” Ten comforted Kun.

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” Kun replied.

Ten sighed, “I am just saying you haven’t even met him yet. At least, give him a chance.” He tried to raise the other's hopes again. 

“Fine… I'll try, I have to go now. I'm going to go for a jog before he arrives.” Kun hung up the phone. He looked out of the window and saw that it was raining. He pulled on the gray hoodie draped over the chair he had been sitting on this morning and headed outside. 

Sicheng, a reliable and an earnest person with a heart of gold and a smile as radiant as the sun, arrived at the gates of his new university after he had finally managed to get a fully paid scholarship. The university was bustling with life and energy, college students rushing to get to their classes. The flourishing, flamboyant flowers, the leafy and sturdy trees. There were quite a few facilities like libraries and a student union building that were inviting to Sicheng but he was focused on getting to his dorm room first. 

Sicheng looked up from the note that had the dorm room number, “Ah, this must be my dorm room," he stated.

He tried to reach for the doorknob to open the door, only to be beaten by Kun. He could see how nervous Sicheng was by his demeanor meanwhile, Sicheng had lost himself, mesmerized by Kun's beauty, he didn't know whether to look at his enchanting eyes filled with stars inside, or to look at his soft, silky smooth hair, but he was quickly brought back to reality when Kun reached out for a handshake, “You must be my new roommate, I'm Kun,” he said.

“Ah, yeah I'm Sicheng, nice to meet you,” he smiled nervously. 

Upon seeing his travel bags, “How were you able to carry all of these bags on your own? Let me help you.” Kun dragged his travel bags inside. 

“You didn’t need to help me but thank you.” Sicheng blushed, _He's so cute and sweet._

When he entered, he found his dorm room completely the opposite of what he had expected. It was clean, tidy and pleasing to the eyes. Two separate beds that were well made, in between them there was a large window overlooking the garden outside. A drawer between the two beds that had a white lamp and a light blue diary which seemingly belonged to Kun on top of it.

There were two desks in front of the two beds, one of them was empty which he assumed was his now, and the other one had books ranging from mathematics to computer science stacked on each other with a few colorful and organized notes and there was a cracked photo frame of Kun and his family, next to the desks were bookshelves having books about psychology and physics, they were arranged alphabetically and there wasn't a single fleck of dust on any of the books. 

The light wood floor was clean and it looked as if it was recently swept, the kitchenette was filled with various types of food and there were a few kitchen appliances and the bathroom was well scrubbed and speckless. 

“I'm a bit of a neat freak.” Kun let out a soft giggle, “I have a few rules however, don't eat any of the food labelled with my name on it, make your bed when you wake up, when you grab a book from the bookshelves put it back in its original place and clean after yourself. Other than that make yourself comfortable.” Kun let him know a few of his rules. 

Sicheng piped up, “Don't worry, I won't make a mess or cause you much trouble.”

Looking at Sicheng straight in the eyes, “Great, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go have a nice jog. Alone.”

Kun had never been the type to do things with other people. He had always hated group projects because he was always the one doing the work, besides he had already adapted to being on his own.

“Oh..great, have-” Sicheng pouted as Kun left before he got to finish what he was going to say. He tilted his head, wondering if he had done anything wrong, “I guess I should just start unpacking my clothes,” he said to himself, sitting on the floor. He opened his travel bags to unpack and prepare his outfit for the day.

Kun was in his favorite place, a park close to his university. The warm rays of sunlight fell on his fair and delicate skin, as he rested on the bench, next to an enormous tree with the birds chirping on the tree branches, after a long one hour jog. Jogging always helped him stay active, keep fit and clearing his mind, whenever he had lots of thoughts running through his head, since he didn’t like the idea of opening up much to others, especially after what had happened. 

_Ten told me to give the new guy a chance, but I don’t know...After what happened, who am I supposed to trust? I am unsure of what to do now, I don’t know if I will ever open up to anyone_ , he aggressively ran his hands through his hair, _I wonder what he’s doing now...If he broke any of the rules already, I should just go now._ He sighed and got up from the bench. 

He made the decision to go to his all-time favorite library, it was off campus and it wasn't that fancy but, not many people went there; which is exactly why he loved it this way, peaceful and quiet. On his way back to his dorm to change into his casual wear and get his books to study at the library, he spotted Ten, who was lurking outside his dorm room. 

“What brought you here?” Kun furrowed his eyebrows.

“Oh you know, checking on you two, making sure you don’t get each other killed,” Ten giggled.

“Don’t you have class?” Kun wondered, furrowing his eyebrows. 

Ten looked over at him. “Since when have I turned up to class this year?” He bopped Kun’s arm.

Rolling his eyes, Kun let out a faint laugh, “You’re right, how silly of me.”

“Anyways, I was lying,” Ten admitted, “I actually came here to check him out.”

“Define check him out.” Kun air quoted for emphasis.

Ten looked away from his friend, “Well..” he trailed off.

“You’re unbelievable.” Kun shook his head. 

Sicheng was startled by seeing his roommate and the latter's friend loitering outside the dorm room when he opened the door. He was just trying to get to class on time. Ten took this moment as an opportunity to introduce himself.

“Ah - You must be Sicheng, I’m Ten, this guy’s best friend.” He nudged Kun and shook hands with Sicheng. 

“Nice to meet you,” Sicheng smiled shyly, scratching the back of his head, “Well I’m sorry but I have to go to class now, let’s talk later.” 

Kun and Ten saw him off running into the distance nearly tripping in the process. Entering his room, Ten laughed, “He seems like a clumsy kid.”

“Funny coming from someone who tripped over himself while walking last night,” Kun snickered.

“Listen!” Ten raised his voice, “I was really distracted by the smell coming from that restaurant okay? I didn’t realize there was a bump.” Ten crossed his arms, trying to justify his actions.

Kun decided to let it go, “Anyways I am going to take a quick shower, do you want to come with me to the library afterwards?” he suggested.

“Sure, I guess I do need to study as well.” Ten sat down on Kun’s bed, waiting for him to come out, _I wonder how Sicheng is actually like, I hope he is not an asshole...I mean so far he doesn’t seem like it, but that was also the case with him._ He started pacing around the room due to the sheer boredom of waiting for Kun to finish showering, despite the fact that he had been in the bathroom for only ten minutes. Ten hummed in interest as he found a little yellow note Sicheng had left for Kun on the latter’s desk.

_Hey, I hope I am not being a bother to you or anything. I’ll try my best not to make you upset and thanks for your hospitality. Also we didn’t get to exchange phone numbers so here’s mine xx-xxxx-xxxx_

_Xoxo Sicheng._

Ten smiled to himself. _What a pure and soft-hearted guy._ “Who do you mean by pure and soft-hearted?” His eyes widened and turned to face Kun, realizing he spoke his thoughts out loud. 

“He left you a note.” Ten handed it to him, unsure of his friend’s reaction.

Kun’s breath wavered, “A note isn’t going to cut it. You know what happened last time.” His eyes welled up with tears, “I don’t want to get my hopes up over nothing.” 

Kun crumpled the note in his hand and left it on the ground. Ten hesitantly approached him, wanting to comfort him. But he was met with rejection, a palm in front of his face.

“Just leave me alone,” Kun whispered, “Please.” 

It was tough for Ten to do so but he had no other option but to comply. He left the room, closing the door behind him quietly. A sigh left his mouth. _I really wish he would be okay with help from others, instead of dealing with it all on his own. He doesn’t have to go through it alone. I can’t imagine being in his place._

“Is this seat taken?” Sicheng pointed to the empty seat in front of him. It seemed redundant to ask, but he wanted to be polite.

At first glance, the boy sitting next to the empty seat seemed intimidating. With his piercings, floppy hair, eyebrow slit, ripped jeans and purple hoodie. Sicheng was hesitant about sitting next to him at first.

“Nah, you can sit next to me.” he paused, “You new here? First time I’ve seen you.” 

“Uh, yeah, my name’s Sicheng and you are?” Sicheng replied nervously, with a shaky smile on his face.

The guy nodded, “I’m Taeyong. If you need anything let me know, I can help ya.” A snort followed after, “Also you do realize that smile isn’t fooling anyone, right?”

“It’s just that-” Sicheng struggled to explain himself

“It’s okay you don’t need to explain yourself, Take it easy and relax,” Taeyong reassured him. 

Sicheng sat down next to him. He automatically resorted to crossing his arms and lowering his head. Taeyong contemplated for a second, before speaking up again.

“Hey since you’re new here, maybe I can show you around later?” he offered.

“Sure that would be great.” Sicheng looked up to him and nodded with excitement.

Taeyong relaxed his back against the seat and stretched his arm behind Sicheng, Sicheng’s eyes widened and his cheeks were flushed with pink and bowed his head down trying to hide it, he received a text message to which he grabbed his phone immediately to distract himself from his surroundings and to not face anyone.

_To Sicheng:_

_Hey, This is Kun. I am going to be out most of the day, so I won’t be able to cook lunch. Treat yourself to anything in the fridge that_ **_doesn't_ ** _have my name on it._

_To Kun:_

_Okay, take care!_

Sicheng saved Kun in his contacts list, then put down his phone, preparing for his class to start. It was hard to concentrate though, since his mind was elsewhere. _Why would he be out all day? Did I drive him away? It's only the first day of us as roommates._ He had to quickly shut down those thoughts, when the professor finally entered the class.

“I’d like a medium-sized Americano, please.” Ten ordered his usual drink and gave his name to the barista when asked for and headed to the corner he always sat in. He always loved sitting it, because he can feel the warmth of the sun rays falling onto his skin and he can see people passing by, imagining how their lives were like. Whenever he’s stressed or not in the mood for anything, he tended to go there to relax. Sometimes he felt gloomy because he viewed himself as a secondary character that was always there for others but had no life of his own, he mostly daydreamt, envisioning a perfect life for him, going on beach dates and surfing with his partner, going out with his best friends and exploring new hobbies. Then he compared his imaginations with reality, and it always left him with this extreme empty void on the inside that was dying to be filled. He threw his head back and let out a big sigh. He stopped pitying himself when the barista called his name. He got himself together and went to grab his drink. The barista in front of him was one he had never seen before. Smooth, soft fair skin and light brown hair. He had dimples that were highlighted by the brightest smile Ten had ever seen. The barista spoke up, handing Ten his drink, “Here’s an Americano to our ten out of ten customer.”

“Th...Thank you” Ten stammered, shakily grabbing his drink and returning back to his seat. He admired the barista from afar and live texted his reactions to one of his best friends, Hendery. A soft fluffy black haired with a smile that can bring happiness and light into the world, and sparkling charcoal eyes. He had known him ever since he moved to a new school at the age of twelve and they had been best friends since then, despite their different personalities they got along very well with each other, almost as if they were inseparable. Whenever anything happened to either of them, they updated the other about what had happened and discussed it with each other. 

_To Hendery:_

_Are you there?_

_Hello?_

_I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE_

_To Ten:_

_What? Let me guess you found another guy to fawn over?_

_To Hendery:_

_…_

_Maybe…_

_Anyways, this new barista is so?? Handsome?!_

_You should’ve been here, His DIMPLES HAD ME WEAK_

_To Ten:_

_Not to be that kind of friend but you literally fall for any guy who smiles at you_

_To Hendery:_

_Maybe if you stopped studying and came to check him out, you’ll see what I mean_

_To Ten:_

_Maybe if you started studying, you wouldn’t be failing your classes and asking me to tutor you_

_To Hendery:_

_...You see I would but that requires efforts and my brain can’t handle that_

_To Ten:_

_Listen I gotta go, class is starting soon._

_Keep me updated though._

  
Hendery switched his phone to silent mode and put it down in front of him. So it wouldn’t disturb him during class. _I guess I will never be more than a best friend,_ He let out a long exhale, and pulled out his laptop. _Enough chattering about love life and time for notes I guess._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to sincerely apologize to everyone for taking so long to upload this chapter, I wanted to release it a day or two after the first one but I couldn't keep my promise and I apologize for that, I will try my best to keep my promise and release a chapter every 1-2 days!

Kun packed his backpack with his books and his diary, and headed out to his library, wearing an orange jumper with beige pants. Whenever he felt frustrated or upset, he was most likely to go to the library because it was quiet and the only things he could focus on were his studies and thoughts. 

He liked to keep his personal diary with him, not only to be able to write his thoughts on it at all times but also afraid that someone would read it, because he didn’t like talking about his personal problems to anyone and would usually repress his feelings, he always seemed to have an inner conflict, always fighting himself. He knew there was nothing wrong in verbalizing and expressing his feelings, but he felt guilty whenever he did. 

He entered the library, where he was greeted by the employee, who had gotten used to seeing him _almost_ daily and he seemed to be in his forties, standing at the central reception area. 

The atmosphere still felt the same, enticing and tempting to one's soul to study and read. The light oak vinyl flooring with the beige walls make the library seem larger than it already is. Twenty shelves fanning out from where he was standing and about five people were sitting on the tables, working and doing their projects.

He sat down and placed his backpack on the table, “Finally,” he threw his head back and let out a big sigh, “Some peace and quiet.” He pulled out his diary and started writing in it first since; it helped him in clearing his mind and concentrating on his studies afterward. 

_24th of September, 2018_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today, my new roommate arrived and I already had a flashback of what happened. The moment I saw the note in Ten’s hands and I immediately lost it, I feel like an asshole for rejecting his offer to help me, but I just want to face it alone without troubling others. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I tried avoiding others and locking myself away, I tried seeing a therapist, it’s just not working. I am sorry to my family, my friends and anyone I have upset._

He closed his diary, but before opening his book to study, he closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. He opened his Mathematics notebook to review his notes and prepare for his quiz. 

Sicheng looked up to face Taeyong, “Where are we going now?” he wondered.

“We are goin’ to a place you might like,” Taeyong paused, “I guessed that you were an introvert, so you would probably like this library,” he pointed to the library next to the park. “Not that many people go there because there’s a way fancier one, a few meters away from it, but this one should still do the trick,” he grinned.

“Thanks for showing me around.” Sicheng blushed and looked down. 

As soon as they entered the library, they spotted Kun in the distance, sitting alone. Sicheng froze on the spot running into Kun here, with the thought of not wanting to disturb him, meanwhile, Taeyong’s eyes dilated with content and a wide appeared on his face. _Such a relief to see him again._

Sicheng poked Taeyong's left arm, “What are you smiling at?” he said with his eyes locked towards Taeyong.

“Ah...Forget it. It’s nothing,” Taeyong shook his head, “Anyways, do you know him?” he asked.

“He’s my roommate, but why do you ask?” Sicheng tilted his head.

Kun shook his head, “Could you both be any louder?” he said with his voice filling the room, shocking both Taeyong and Sicheng thinking that they had upset him. He was then shushed by the employee.

“Sorry,” Sicheng whispered and stroke the nape of his neck. They both approached Kun and asked him if they could sit next to him, to which he accepted their request. 

On the outside, Sicheng seemed calm and collected, but on the inside, he was having a battle with himself. _God, I feel so embarrassed right now, he must be mad at me...Ugh...I should apologize...But what if he gets even more mad at me? This is so frustrating, I should just speak up...Come on...Just say anything._

And he finally got the courage to, “Again -” he tried to break the silence, but he was interrupted by Kun, “It’s fine. Let’s just focus on studying.” he felt guilty because he thought he had come off as rude, but he brushed it off.

“Speaking of focus, I can’t concentrate without a smoothie.” Taeyong looked towards Sicheng, “Can you get me a vanilla smoothie from that coffee place I showed you earlier?” Taeyong then looked towards Kun, “Oh...I’ll have one too.” Kun said, and they both gave him the money for it, “Uhh...Sure.” Sicheng got up from his seat and headed to the coffee shop. 

Taeyong looked towards Kun, “It’s been a while since we have talked, hasn’t it?” he grinned.

Kun fixed his gaze on Taeyong, “Did he ask you anything about me?” 

“Nah, not really.”

“Good to know.”

Sicheng’s mind was teeming with thoughts, _What was that smile on Taeyong’s face? I am sure he wasn’t smiling at nothing...Do they know each other? For a first day of university, it sure has been hectic and I just want to lay down in bed._ As soon as Sicheng was about to enter the coffee shop, Ten came out. “Where are you going?” Sicheng wondered.

“Ah...Hendery called me and told me to meet up with him,” Ten ran his hand through his hair, “We still haven’t finished our group project.”

“And when is it due?”

“Tomorrow.” Ten gave a sarcastic grin on his face.

“Did you write anything in it, at least?” Sicheng raised his right eyebrow.

Ten shook his head, “Not a single letter,” he paused, “It’s not that _we_ procrastinated...well, I did...sort of, but things kept coming up and now we are stuck in this situation.”

“Well, good luck on your project then!” Sicheng balled his hand into a fist and raised it, trying to encourage Ten and cheer him on.

“Well, I guess I gotta go now. I will see you around.” 

“Wait,” Sicheng grabbed Ten by the arm, “I know you’re in a hurry, but can we exchange numbers to keep contact?” He suggested, so they did and Ten took off from there. 

Sicheng entered and ordered two vanilla milkshakes and a caramel macchiato. He situated himself at the table next to the door, while he was waiting for his drinks, he checked his phone and noticed that he had received a message from his parents telling him how proud they are, and that they’re cheering him on, and wishing him good luck on his first day at his new university. 

At the sight of seeing this message, it ignited a warm feeling inside him. “I hope that I always make you both proud,” he whispered and started getting teary-eyed. _If only I could tell you both about it, I just hope I never disappoint you._ He wipes his tears away with his hand.

“Here’s the two vanilla milkshakes and the caramel macchiato to the four starred prince,” he winked. Sicheng had trouble keeping eye contact with him and kept looking away from him, but he managed to take his drinks and blurt out a thank you before leaving. When he got out, he saw Kun and Taeyong heading towards him, Kun grabbed his vanilla milkshake, “Thanks but I have got to go now. See you back at the dorm room.” and he took off in the distance.

“Did anything happen?” Sicheng raised his eyebrow.

“No, he just has a part-time job, that’s why.” Taeyong took his Vanilla milkshake. 

“Are we going to continue the tour?” Sicheng took a sip from his caramel macchiato while gazing at Taeyong. 

Taeyong replied, “Ahh...I am kinda tired.”

“Ah..it’s fine,” Sicheng pouted.

“But I can walk you to your dorm room!” Taeyong added.

“No, it’s fine.” Sicheng insisted.

“I sure could use a walk besides, my roommate needs me but it’s not like he’s in a hurry.” 

As they were walking on their way to Sicheng’s dorm room, they kept asking personal questions about each other and getting to know each other, although it was nothing new to Taeyong, but Sicheng was beaming with joy because he rarely felt comfortable talking to someone, especially someone he had just met.

When he was younger, he used to be focused on his studies more than being friends with others, his friendships with others weren’t very strong. 

Shyness would get in the way of making new friends, despite moving quite a few times whilst growing up, but it didn’t help him get over it. He’s aware there’s nothing wrong with being shy, but he wished it wouldn’t get in the way of taking the initiative to start a conversation with someone.

“Well, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would,” Sicheng giggled. 

“Yeah...It was nice chatting with you,” Taeyong beamed.

“Yeah, you should hurry up to your dorm room, it’s getting pretty late now,” Sicheng yawned.

“I guess I gotta go now, I will see you tomorrow,” Taeyong waved.

Sicheng entered his dorm room and closed the door behind him. He threw his backpack and ran to his bed, diving into it from excitement followed by rapid leg kicking the bed, “He’s so sweet,” he squealed and his cheeks were instantaneously flushed with pink. “I should get up and cook dinner, I am getting hungry,” he got up from the bed hurriedly, “Wait I should ask Kun if he would like to have dinner too?” 

_To Kun:_

_hey did you have lunch or dinner? I can cook if you want_

_:To Sicheng_

_You don’t really need to cook anything for me, I will take care of it, just cook for yourself_

_To Kun:_

_well I am cooking extra for you just in case!_

_:To Sicheng_

_Thank you but you don’t have to_

Sicheng was hesitant on what to reply with, but he decided not to reply in the end. He put his phone down on his desk, then opened the fridge which was filled with lots of food that he began to drool over such a sight. He didn’t know what to cook by the number of options available to him, of course, avoiding the ones labeled with Kun’s name. 

He spotted however, there were some thinly-sliced chicken breasts marinated in lime juice and pepper, so he decided to bring them out for roasting, and he opened the top cabinet on the left and found a few instant noodle packages. 

He instantly thought of cooking them with some vegetables and roasting the chicken breasts to add more flavor to the noodles. He started preparing to make them, _hopefully_ , they will be done by the time Kun arrives.

After constantly working for hours on end, on their project _together_ , both Ten and Hendery finally made ends meet by finishing their project for tomorrow. 

“This project was extremely exhausting,” Ten released a long breath. 

“It really was, but I am glad we are finally done with it,” Hendery plopped his arms onto the table and rubbed his forehead with the edge of his palms, trying to ease the pain of his headache. 

Ten pushed his chair back and got up, “Do you want me to get you medicine or anything?” he paused, “Or a cup of water, at least?”

“No, it’s fine...It’s probably because I was sitting in front of the laptop the entire day, not to mention I couldn’t sleep well last night.” 

“Are you sure? If there is-” 

“I said I am fine, don’t worry about me,” he paused, “ _Please.”_

“If you need anything, don’t be afraid to call me.” Ten gestured a phone with his hand. 

“Thank you...You should get going before it gets too dark, so I don’t have to worry about you.”

Ten waved, “Take care.”

When he opened the door and closed the door behind him quietly. As he was leaving, he ran into a guy he had never seen before going into Hendery’s dorm room. He only managed to catch a glimpse of him, but the only thing he remembered was that he had an eyebrow slit and a few piercings. He wondered if he was a friend of Hendery or his roommate, but he found it weird because _usually_ , Hendery told him about the people he met, so he would have told him about that guy by then.

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to give a special thank you to my friends for helping me out and for encouraging me to write this, this wouldn't have been possible, if it wasn't for them! Constructive criticism is appreciated, as I want to take it as a chance to improve myself!


End file.
